Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
She didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.